Here's a run down of films that lied to me about life lessons:
1. Twilight - You can totally still get the hot guy even if you're socially awkward
Bella Swan is just about one of the most socially awkward characters on screen and it takes her twice as long as any normal person to get a sentence out, yet she is adored by many of the Forks men and is pursued by heart throb Edward Cullen. In real life, socially awkward girls never get to talk to the hot guys and if we do it's usually a collection of mumbles, laughs and uncomfortable fidgeting. To be quite honest, we are invisible to the hot guys as we creepily admire them from afar so actual human contact would never happen anyway.
2. Bridget Jones - Even the most disastrous of women can still have two men after them
Bridget Jones is somebody I can identify with. She's not perfect - she drinks too much, smokes too much, is an appalling public speaker and lets the things in her head come out without thinking - but Mark Darcy likes her - just as she is. She's also pursued by Daniel Cleaver and both men physically fight it out for her - but in reality women like Bridget and me spend a lot of time alone, date lots of unsuitable men and often wonder if anybody will like us - just as we are.
3. The Devil Wears Prada - It's not that hard to be employed by a best-selling fashion magazine
Andy manages to score a job as second assistant to the editor of (lets face it) Vogue after just graduating and some experience as a regional news reporter. In real life, you'd have to complete years of unpaid internships and graft at related magazines or be a family friend to even be considered for the position.
4. Matilda - You have magical powers
After I watched Matilda as a child I was convinced that if I put my mind to it enough, I'd be able to move things. After much concentration and pointing this proved futile. As was being a child genius and inflicting revenge on mean teachers.
5. Pretty Much Any Teen Film in the 00s, 90s and 80s - You'll eventually get the man of your dreams
Dirty Dancing, Pretty in Pink, Mean Girls, Cinderella Story, Angus Thongs and Perfect Snogging, Wild Child…need I name more? In all of these films, no matter what the behaviour and the inevitable hiccup along the way - the girl would always get the guy in the end. The one that everyone lusted over and this usually average girl would manage to snag when he saw the real her. In real life, the school bitch always won.
6. The Princesses Diaries - Make-overs can work miracles and you could be a princess
Mia was a socially awkward, curly haired, glasses wearing teen when she found out she was the Princess of Genova. As a socially awkward, curly haired, glasses wearing teen - I identified with Mia and wondered where I could also get a life-changing make-over and an estranged royal grandparent. Thankfully I did eventually find straighteners and some style, but it didn't make much difference.
7. Any Horror Film - Split up, run into the woods, stabbing isn't that fatal…
If I were to face a psychopathic murderer, it's fairly likely I wouldn't be splitting up from anybody with me, running into a dark confusing space or god forbid trying to take on the bloody person. Apparently a stab wound isn't that hindering either.
8. Dirty Dancing - Dancing is easy
Learning a complicated dance routine to performance standard in less than a week with no prior dance experience? Piece of cake! Not to mention a fairly complicated jump? No problem. Oh and losing your virginity is a really beautiful experience - Nope.