10 Things to Never Say to Me

I have been feeling frustrated and full of needless rage this week and it got me thinking about all the things people say that make me bubble with inside rage every time I hear them - so I thought I'd list them for future reference in the hope it offsets these comments as well as just allowing myself to vent without moaning anybody's ear off. Let me point out, this is not a direct or indirect form of passive aggressiveness to anybody. Just my own general frustrations!

1. "Have you got a boyfriend yet?"

My answer is the same as the last time you asked me. If you knew anything about me, you'd know that eternal spinster is a personality trait. The funniest thing about this question is the increasing worry each time I say no and 'helpful' suggestions. Believe me - I've tried it all. You can't force a boyfriend upon yourself - especially when you are a magnet for toxic men.

2. "You don't drive? How do you cope?!"

No, I don't drive. Yes I have had lessons, when I was 17 and it was expensive, scary and overwhelming. There is so much to remember and I hated being in control of a vehicle. It's not something I can go back to because I barely have enough spare money to live - let alone buy a car and learn to drive. 

3. "Why don't you try and make new friends?"

I am not three years old - if you try and make friends with strangers at 24 they give you funny looks. I do try, but people have their own impenetrable cliques by this point. I would join groups or classes - but they're surprisingly expensive. My close friends are more than enough - It's just difficult to make plans for every weekend. 

4.  "Aren't you a bit old for McBusted/McFly"

No. Never. Mcfly til I die. The supergroup of my two favourite groups of all time is like an amalgamation of all my dreams coming true. I was actually 12 when Busted hit the scene, so surely growing up with both bands makes it ok? I just stuck around for the journey and I will continue going to shows. Stop judging me!

5. "I just don't really see the point in feminism"

You don't see the point of equal pay and getting paid the same as your male counterparts? You don't see the point of abolishing sexual objectification and the sexist comments you get on a daily basis? You don't see the point of having women portrayed fairly in the media? OK THEN.

6. "What's it like living alone?"

Peaceful, liberating but LONELY. 

7. "You have too many clothes / need to stop shopping."

THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.

8. "Have you tried *insert food* - you might like it."

NO. It looks gross. It smells gross. Keep the seafood to yourself.

9. "What do you eat then?"

Meat, potatoes in many forms, cake in many forms…ANYTHING BEIGE AND BLAND.

10. "How are you already poor a week after payday?"

I am terrible with money and don't have much spare anyway. You do the math.