5 Things to Never Say To A Single Person

As someone who is terminally unlucky in love, I thought I would dole some advice out about how to handle someone who has a stream of failed relationships and non starters in their back log and is just about at the end of their tether when it comes to matters of the heart.

Disclaimer: I realise this makes me seem bitter and that I will probably scare off any chance I do have of finding someone, but since I'm unlucky anyway - OH WELL. Also, I'm sure the feminist blogs would do that first.

1. Don't Mention How Many Fish There Are In The Sea

Please don't ever mention fish and sea. If there were so many fish in the goddamn sea, then why haven't we found anyone yet? You're making us feel like some kind of ugly mutant fish none of the other fishes want. Also, as true as it may or may not be, it's not really making us feel any better. It just means the search is a lot longer and vast.

2. Don't Tell Me It'll Happen When I Least Expect It

Really? How fucking magical. While I'm sure this is true and you have a friend it happened to, it just reminds me yet again that the search is long and unexpected and nobody knows when someone special might enter their life. So what if I'm 90, living alone with my grumble of pugs and given up all hope THEN somebody will come along? Ok then. Great. It's not like we're even specifically searching, but it would be nice if Prince Charming wasn't so fucking elusive.

3. "So, do you have a boyfriend yet?"

This one mainly applies to relatives you don't see much. No, I don't have a boyfriend. No I'm not seeing anyone special. TICK TOCK. TICK TOCK. Yes I am looking forward to all the family weddings that will come ahead of mine. Yes I know you were married with kids by my age. I'm sure I'm beautiful and will find someone good enough one day. ARGH *swigs wine*

4. You Have To Kiss A Lot of Frogs To Find Your Prince

Well I'm tired of kissing frogs ok? When will this search be over?! I'm sick of the slime.

5. You Can't Force Something, It'll Happen When It Happens

I also realise this. Of course it's better that something ends or never gets started rather than somebody lying and the other getting hurt further down the line and I would also never dream of being a relationship where there were no real feelings and we were just with each other for the sake of it. I understand things often happen for the best and it's better to admit it sooner rather than later but that doesn't make it hurt any less. The terminal single knows that these things happen for the best, but at the end of the day, it doesn't soften the blow of rejection once again.