Sunday, 1 June 2014

Forever Alone

Loneliness is an ongoing problem for me. Living alone means I get very little interaction with people unless I make the effort to leave the house. Even then, it will often consist of me doing things alone such as walking around town or around the supermarket or even sitting in the park. 

I've never been a person with many friends and at this point in my life, at my age, I only have two real friends. Now these girls are my best friends and more than I could ever need because they know me inside out, get me completely and are the loveliest people - but thanks to full time jobs, boyfriends and locations - I don't get to see them as much as I'd like. 

This means I spend a lot of time in my own company, which thankfully I like (I wouldn't live alone otherwise) but sometimes this can get boring and frustrating. I have to keep myself occupied, which is why I've been baking more, probably doing too much online shopping, watching DVDs and bugging friends and family over text constantly. 

I'm really trying not to be anti-social but it is so hard to make new friends or meet new people when you rarely have plans and don't have many friends. Unlike many people my age, it's not like I have a boyfriend to spend time with either. At this age, everyone I know is seeing their other half in their spare time, living with them or even getting married to them! Meanwhile, I'm in my mid-twenties and am yet to meet anyone serious. I probably shouldn't feel pressured, but it's hard not to. I am always asked the same question at family parties 'Got a boyfriend yet then Stace?'

While I think that having a boyfriend shouldn't define you and that I'm quite happy being an independent single woman (thanks Beyonce), it's hard not to feel a tad left out when you don't have anyone to do anything with. Perhaps if I had more friends, I'd have more to do but we all get to that age when general acquaintances fall away and it's your real true friends that stay. 

It's hard to admit you're lonely, but I am. Now that I don't live with my family or with housemates, there isn't somebody there to talk to everyday. There's nobody to have spur of the moment plans with. I'm sick of reporting to work Monday morning and answering the question 'What did you do this weekend?' with 'Nothing'. 

The problem is, the only thing that does fill my time is shopping, which often leaves me poor and with no spare money less than a week after payday. I am filling my loneliness with material things! 

Now I know there is online dating, I've tried it, I am trying it, but it doesn't work for everyone. It's yet to work for me. I just wish I could meet somebody normally like everyone else.

Sorry, this is a bit of a woe is me blogpost. But it's thoughts and emotions I've had circling my head for the moment. Life needs to get a big more exciting, so I'm going to try and save (from next month) so that I can travel and fill a week or two with something exciting something far away. Time to stop wanting and start doing. Time to say yes. 

No comments:

Post a Comment