We've Come Full Circle

It's hard to believe that we're entering the last month of the year and this Christmas is now a matter of weeks away and it's time to put up your decorations, put on your favourite christmas songs, do your present shopping and drink plenty of mulled drinks.

I'm from the camp where you don't get excited about Christmas until December, so from Monday I can start my advent calendar and get all christmassy without feeling weird. Surprisingly, I'm pretty efficient this year and only have four more people to buy for - so there isn't that sheer panic about getting it all done and working out how I will afford it all.

I've been trying to get more responsible about money, as you may know I'm trying to save up to go to New York for my 25th which is going to of course require discipline. This has been attempted the past few months, but I've had to take the money back out again, but from this month on I'm refusing. Even if I do have to live off pasta.

Black Friday was not easy on me and I did buy a few things, but I think I remained somewhat restrained. Maybe…possibly…kinda. My best purchase was my Dolche Gusto coffee machine which I'm a little bit in love with. I'm the type of person who can't function without caffeine in the morning - so it's just about perfect to get me started before work.

November was a long and boring month, but December is working out to be a busy month and I can't wait to see friends and family and enjoy delicious food and drink. Believe me, as a person on limited funds living alone - I am SO READY for that Christmas dinner and being sent home with leftovers.

This week I'm off to Winter Wonderland, which is sure to get me throughly into the Christmas mood. The best thing will be seeing my niece and nephews taking in the magic of it all and of course all the food and shopping stalls as well as our cheeky trip to Harrods.

It's hard to believe another year is coming to an end, it's been quite an eventful one. I lost weight and got into exercise (which is kind of failing at the moment :/) and made a huge change to my body and confidence. Prompted by family loss and my new found fitness, I completed the Half Moonwalk which was such an amazing experience.

I think it was important for me to make positive change this year following a difficult year in 2013 and my health problems. This year hasn't entirely been smooth sailing, but I think I'm getting a slightly more positive head on my shoulders.

Next year is going to be so exciting, my best friend is having a baby in January which just gets it off to the best start and I can't wait for baby cuddles. I'm also of course working towards New York, which is exciting and I couldn't think of anywhere better to celebrate/mourn turning 25.

So with another year over - bring it all on I say. Bring on Christmas. Now I have to work out how to decorate my shoebox studio flat and make it somehow festive when I can't fit a tree in anywhere. How are you celebrating Christmas this year?

The Day My McBusted Fangirl Dreams Came True

So about a month ago I spent nine hours on a McBusted video shoot for their first single 'Air Guitar', but was sworn to secrecy until it aired and finally it aired this week and I spotted myself jumping like a maniac.

When James and Matt from Busted and McFly decided to join forces to create a supergroup, there were mixed opinions among the fan community and there still is, but I for one, was ecstatic. I was at that Albert Hall show, recovering from surgery but determined not to miss out, to see them perform together for the first time as part of McFly's tenth anniversary shows and I was as happy as a fan could be when that happened. Nuala, my best friend, even asked if I was going to cry.

A year and a bit later, I found myself on the set of McBusted's first video shoot, not quite able to believe my eyes. I'd responded to a post on their Facebook page with the educated guess it would be a video shoot and got chosen. At 24, I was worried about being the oldest one there and I was, but all the fans I met on the day were lovely and I'm just sorry we never managed to swap details. There was no competition or in-fighting - we all shared a love for a band and it was as simple as that.

Now I've been following Busted and McFly since the beginning, developing a love for Busted at 12 and then McFly followed. Despite it being 12 years later, approaching my mid-twenties and a lot of growing and of course the devastating Busted split, my love for the band has not diminished - much to the amusement of my peers. Although I'd like to say now I'm an adult - my fandom is somewhat more controlled except for persistently going to each tour and following their progress. I think the tour next year could be my 18th show.

The video shoot wasn't my first, I've previously been part of the crowd for the Stargirl video when I was 16, but you couldn't see me at all and involved a lot of waiting along a residential street until we were needed two hours after they said. It was fun, but short and I didn't get to meet any of the band. Thankfully, I did get to meet the band later that year, when my friend Hannah won a Meet and Greet and kindly offered to take me.

But back to this event in my long and prosperous fandom career, there I found myself on a sound stage at Warner Bros Studios (as a film fan this was insane) and there were the boys - no more than a few feet away from me for the majority of a nine hour day. I'm happy to say that despite the long day they'd probably had, the band was kind, friendly and gave plenty of time to us fans across the day. I got a chance to talk to all of them and thankfully not fangirl. The thing is, despite my love for these guys, both times I've met them I've actually been calm and collected - possibly because I feel so familiar with them and also because they are just so down to earth and friendly.

They often say don't meet your idols, but with the men of McBusted I've never had to worry about that because they've always been so friendly and appreciative of their fans. They really are the lovely guys they seem with a cheeky sense of humour.

As expected, I was part of a crowd scene but unlike generic crowd scenes, we were actually spread around a circle, which gave us more of a chance to be seen. Now maybe I'm unfit (I am), but jumping up and down like you mean it for 3 minutes at a time under stage lights is actually incredibly tiring. We were told to give it our all and we really did - but bloody hell I'm getting too old for that shit.

It was interesting to see how a video comes together across a day and the amount of work it takes to create a three minute music video which is cut incredibly fast. It's also interesting to see which scenes make the cut and which don't.

I wondered if I would make the video, I joked because I had been in so many scenes and quite central that I better be - and I am. I can spy myself at multiple points the more I watch it - which is pretty cool because how many people can say they're in a music video, much less one of their idols and that's something I can always look back on.

Sure I cringe a tad at my jumping, air drumming (wtf?) and quite frankly scary face pulling but I can say that the day was worth it and I'm happy to have met a band I adore and admire and got to spend so much time with them. Now watch the video and see if you can spot me:

REVIEW: Not That Kind of Girl - A Young Woman Tells You What She's 'Learned'

I have finished Lena Dunham's 265 page book in under two days, gripped by its honesty, humour and hurt. Since receiving my book on Friday evening when I saw Lena talk, I have barely shut up about her online and I'm fairly certain everybody is sick of me praising her. But I wanted to review the book when it was fresh in my mind and when my Lena hype was still at its maximum.

Ever since it was announced that Lena was writing a book, I have been excited to read it. As a fan of all her work, I was interested to see what she would write about and see another side of her writing. Not That Kind of Girl is a book of autobiographical essays, charting experiences in her life. The book isn't chronological and skips through different parts of her life through the different sections - Love and Sex, Body, Friendship, Work and Big Picture.

Although Lena has led somewhat of a more privileged life, raised by two artists in New York and has had her own set of psychological problems - I relate to so much of what she said. It doesn't matter what lot you have in life, we can all experience the same anxieties and insecurities.

I found myself nodding and agreeing to her admissions of feelings towards sex, love, health, parental relationships, friendships and work ethic. I had always related to her work and I related to her real life thoughts and experiences just as much.

Me and Lena have had a similar penchant for falling for jerks, making terrible ill-thought out mistakes and being somewhat self-obsessed but also hugely self-conscious. It's a relief not to have to read about someones perfect life and experiences and instead find out you're not alone and somebody completely inspiring can have their own flaws, imperfections and deep anxieties. It gives me the inspiration to achieve my own dreams and write the truth no matter how flawed because the world needs to hear it, it needs to understand you don't have to be perfect to achieve and be worthwhile.

There are quotes within this book that I will keep with me and will look back on and repeat and quote to others. Lena is an inspiring woman and I admire her more than ever following this past weekend. I implore you all to read this book.

I understand people have their own reservations about Lena, be it her unapologetic honesty, her so-called 'privilege' or the idiotic comments and views of republicans who retweeted my last blog - but do you research, read the truth, understand her true beliefs and intentions and educate yourselves rather than jumping to conclusions.

I will treasure this book forever and look forward to seeing what Lena's incredible writing and creativity brings out next.

Lena Dunham - Girl Hero

It is no secret how much I love Lena Dunham. She is a woman I have related to more than anyone else in my life and it means so much to have an idol that represents so much that I have experienced and believe in.

It can be quite frustrating airing my admiration for Lena to others, because despite her award winning show and worldwide presence, I still get blank looks when I say her name. She still manages to be unknown by some and I just want to sit them down and show them all her work and make them see her genius.

Last night, I was lucky enough to see Lena Dunham talk at the Southbank Centre on her book tour. When the tickets went on sale a few months back, it was essential that I got my hands on the tickets and lord have mercy if I didn't. Luckily I did, and my ticket included a signed copy of Lena's book 'Not That Kind of Girl'.

Since I first found out about Lena Dunham, shortly after Tiny Furniture and slightly before Girls premiered in the UK, I have admired her. She was a young woman, not much older than me, and she was finally airing what it was to be a twenty-something right now. Not the privileged life of the upper east side, not the unrealistic life of a new york writer who can still afford designer shoes but real brutal twenty-something women who were making mistakes, still yet to find out who they were and what they were doing with their life and had obvious flaws and all the while it was funny!

When I sat down to watch Girls when it premiered on UK TV, I was excited and curious to see if it was really as great as everyone had said and I wasn't disappointed. As that first episode premiered and before even the first ad break, I was a convert. I was Hannah Horvath, that was me, Lena Dunham had explained me in a way I never thought possible. I was in love with this show.

As the seasons have continued and Lena has become higher profile, that love and admiration has not diminished and every episode makes me fall in love with her a little bit more. I am on tenterhooks for the forth season.

Last night, seeing her in real life and being in the presence of her genius just highlighted how much I admire her and what a genuine, funny and intelligent woman she is. Interviewed by Caitlin Moran (another hero of mine) - she had the crowd in the palm of her hand as she made them laugh, clap in admiration and think about important issues.

The reason Lena became so celebrated is for her unapologetic brand of feminism. She was producing films and TV that featured strong leading female characters who had strong views, strong minds and made mistakes like the rest of us. They didn't have perfect jobs, they had trouble achieving their dream job paths, they lusted over inappropriate men and they had messy sex. Her work is a breath of fresh air when sex and female leads have always been made to seem to perfect and flawless.

As she talked last night, I felt myself relate to her even more, as she talked about having more pyjamas than clothes me and my best friend Zoe smirked as we knew that was me.

Lena, like me, believes in the equality of everyone - be that race, sexuality and sex. She highlighted how women in the industry are judged for how much they make and what they are doing with it, while men are not. The same with how they look, when was the last time you heard about how a male actor looked when a whole industry is made from judging how women do. Lena's red carpet style is fun and represents her, she is not afraid to take risks and wears what she wants - not what will get her on the 'best dressed' list.

Near the end of the event, they invited questions from the audience and I got up without hesitation to approach the microphone. As I stood at that microphone that was taller than me and waited as Caitlin asked Lena some quick fire questions, my mouth went dry and my heart beat fast. Was I really going to ask Lena a question in front of over 2000 people?

As it happened, I did, in fact I was the first one to ask a question. I asked what we could expect from the forth season of a Girls and Lena and Caitlin both said it was a great question and told me how Hannah will be going to grad school and how it was important for the character to take that step. She also hinted earlier in the evening about a birth in the show.

Even now, 24 hours after the event, it is kind of sinking in what I did. I asked Lena Dunham a question in front of a full auditorium of people. To think that Lena Dunham and Caitlin Moran directly addressed and looked at me is insane and I love that I can kind of say I interviewed Lena Dunham. As someone that hates public speaking and dreads even speaking up in a small meeting, let alone 2000 people, I'm proud of myself for just going for it before I could over think and berate myself for missing a chance. Yay for bravery.

Last night I came away proud to be a woman and inspired - with my love for Lena more than ever. I've started reading her book and hope to finish it before the weekend is up. Her honesty is overwhelming and her experiences interesting and relatable at times. Some of the things she says directly mirror my own deepest thoughts. I'll let you know my full thoughts and views once I finish the book, but I already encourage you to read it.

As a writer, I want to be able to put my thoughts, feelings and experiences down in such a poetic way and have even an iota of the success Lena has had. A writer, director and actress - she truly is an amazing woman and I don't know how she does it.

My Body, My Decision

I've just read an article in this weeks Stylist magazine (8/10/14 - guest edited by Lena Dunham) and am so frustrated and angry at the state of women's rights and healthcare in America that I just had to take to the blog.

While I am a strong believer in women's rights for women all over the world, particularly in less developed countries where women are treated like second class citizens and have almost no rights, I was frankly shocked at the state of women's rights in highly developed countries such as America and Ireland.

I've been following the contraception  and abortion debate in America for some time now and am well aware of the struggle women are facing there. I'm afraid I'm not fully educated on everything but this article spelled a lot of it out for me and highlighted what I already knew - that many republican politicians are trying and succeeding at controlling women's rights to contraception and abortion.

As US activist Sarah Sophie Flicker highlights in her article - In the past four years, more than 200 laws restricting abortion rights were put into practice in the US. As we all know, America doesn't have a system like the NHS and most access to healthcare is via insurance or Medicaid for low-income families. This means that birth control is costly and not as readily available as it is here in the UK.

Sarah highlights that birth control pills can vary from $15-$150 per month depending on insurance cover and where you live. Under The Affordable Care Act - some plans provide birth control free but if the plan falls under any religious exclusions or is associated with a non-profit organisation then it doesn't apply.

To put the situation into perspective, here are some shocking statistics from the article:

• In 31 American states, a rapist can sue a woman for custody or visitation rights of a child birthed from rape, 
• 87% of all US counties have no abortion provider
• In 13 states a pharmacist can legally refuse to dispense birth control despite a prescription
• 26 states have waiting periods for abortion
• In the first six months of 2014, Republican state houses introduced 468 bills to regulate women's bodies. Surprise, surprise - no such laws for men. 
• Last month, every single Republican senator voted against a bill to help women get equal pay

How these statistics can exist in 2014 in a developed country such as America is baffling to me. What these politicians and laws are saying is that women who have unplanned pregnancies have uncontrollable libidos and that if we want birth control it's because we're easy and want to have lots of casual sex (which there is nothing wrong with). They also imply that if we were raped that we must have been drunk or wearing something provocative and that it was our own fault. That women shouldn't have sex unless we want it to result in a baby.

My understanding is that many of these beliefs in America come from the far right religious Republicans and that they are letting their far outdated Catholic or Christian beliefs take over. You can't impose these religious beliefs on an entire country. Follow the religious beliefs that you want, but to impose them on the women of an entire country is wrong. If you're going to be as militant Christian to that degree, how are you any less worse than the extreme terrorists we are currently fighting against?

But I don't want to get into an argument about religion, personally I'm an atheist. But just like I don't push my atheism on those who are religious, I don't expect them to push their beliefs on something as serious as law and healthcare.

Even those who aren't religious have their own strong believes on abortion. I am pro-choice and believe women should have access to free abortion and be supported through this process but I of course believe it should by no means be used as a form of contraception (which is possibly more of a fabricated lie from the media than something that actually happens). Abortion is by no means an easy decision for a woman to make, but for some, pregnancy is just not a viable option because of various circumstances. Whatever your beliefs or experiences, all women need access to abortion and birth control to allow them to take control of their own bodies. You can't force women to go through with pregnancies they don't want or aren't ready for - this is both unhealthy for the mother and baby. 

I am so thankful to live in the UK, where thanks to the NHS, women to have access to these services and that we are provided with free birth control and access to abortion. This is so important. But you may be shocked to know that in Northern Ireland and Ireland, abortion is still illegal, even in instances of rape and is punishable by a life sentence. The only time it is permitted is if a women's life is in danger but as a recent news story revealed - this doesn't always work out either when it resulted in the death of a woman who was refused an abortion. These women have to travel to countries where it is legal, such as the UK, to access these services.

Demonise women who seek abortions all you want, but I think access to these rights is so so important and I hope my country and countries around the world will provide these services to women and allow them to make their own decisions about their body.

To find out more about the campaign Lady Parts Justice, click here. 

Life in Your Early Twenties vs Life in Your Mid Twenties

When you're in your teens, it never really seems as if life would change much between your early twenties to mid twenties but in reality - you might do more growing than you think. Your twenties are when you do some of the most growing you ever will, and maturity might reap it's ugly head sooner than you think.

1. Going Out Every Weekend vs Rarely Going Out At All

In your early twenties, almost every weekend is filled with plans with your friends to hit the town and get extremely drunk in the process. However, once full time jobs get in the way, you're grateful of any rest you can get and making plans just to see your friends at all is hard enough, let alone plan a night out everybody can do. Soon you learn to appreciate the sweet relief of a night on the sofa with a glass of wine or a mug of tea and a nice early night. Before you know it, it's been months since your last night out and you're wondering what happened to any form of social life. Then, when you do go out - you're lucky to make it past 1am.

2. Super Noodles vs A Home Cooked Round Meal

If you were a student or even just a growing adult looking to fill your stomach, convenience was everything and you were happy to stuff your face as long as it was quick and easy. Cue a diet of super noodles, pasta or frozen food. Of course this is still prevalent in your mid twenties, but you've learnt to appreciate the value of a square meal and have a few home cooked meals in your arsenal to pull out on a lazy sunday or when you can't blag an invite to a family roast dinner.

3. Spending All Your Money vs Trying to Form Some Kind of Budget

This is one I'm still struggling with as I can't budget for toffee, but compared to the days when you would spend all your money on drinking, fast food and clothes - you've acquired a few more responsibilities and have to account for those with your monthly wage such a rent, food and bills. Unlike in your early twenties, it soon becomes rather tiresome and humiliating to run to your parents for money every time.

4. Buying Budget vs Learning You Get What You Pay For

As much as you love a good supermarket value bargain or a quick dash in Primark, as you reach your mid twenties you begin to learn that sometimes you get what you pay for. That perhaps, sometimes it pays to spend a little more on staple pieces such as jeans and trousers because they last longer. That high-end make up might just be worth it and that you really can taste the difference when you spend a bit more on food and drink. No more boxed wine for you.

5. Ignoring Your Health vs Caring About Your Health

Previously you'd either ignore or try and sleep off any illness but now you've discovered the wonder of pharmaceuticals and the difference between a cold and flu. Cold - you need to drag yourself to work. Flu - you literally would have to drag yourself to work because your energy has vanished and you can't remember feeling this bad. Or the difference between a hangover and food poisoning. Hangover - cured with food. Food poisoning - literally no food will stay down. You begin to appreciate your health a lot more and actually go the doctors if you spot symptoms - well if you can get an appointment around work that is. This also transfers to your diet and lifestyle too. Soon you get a nagging guilt if you eat coco pops, chocolate or a big pizza too many times in a week and instead you actually WANT to eat vegetables. You debate the merits of dairy and carbs and you actually get a gym pass and TRY and go.

6. Giving People a Chance vs Looking After No.1

You used to give people or significant others a few chances, but after a few years of putting up with other people's rubbish you soon realise there's only so many chances you can give and that sometimes people aren't worth your time. Be it friends or dates - your mid twenties are when the cull begins.

7. A Level Playing Field vs Marriage and Babies

By your mid twenties, you actually know people who are getting married, having babies and buying property. Suddenly everyone is very grown up and you're conscious of growing up yourself and just how impending your thirties really are.

8. A Late Night vs An Early Night

Before you'd be up until the early hours, either drinking with friends or wasting time on the internet - sometimes until it started getting light. Now you can't get enough of sleep and appreciate nothing more than being in bed by 10am. In fact - it's a luxury - as is at least eight hours sleep.

Are We Really Generation Wuss?

Bret Easton Ellis has branded millennials as Generation Wuss - branding us as 'over-sensitive' and 'self-obsessed' He blames our parents for over-protecting us and shielding us from the harsh realities of life. He says social media has made us narcissistic and more worried about what other people think of us than any other generation before us.

The 50-year old author says that he does sympathise with Gen Y though - growing up in the wake of 9/11 and economic crisis as well as an ever 'demeaning sexual atmosphere that places a relentless emphasis on good looks (Tinder being the most prevalent example)'.

Some older generations may agree with this analysis and it's not the first time that millennials have been branded as narcissistic. It's practically the defining quality of our generation - but is it fair to make a sweeping generalisation about an entire age group? Could we do the same with baby boomers and Gen X? We've all grown up in different sets of circumstances in an ever changing world - so of course our approach to life will vary - but is it really fair to label millennials as spoilt brats? 

As a generation - we were encouraged to go to university and promised a promising career as a result - but then the economic crisis hit and this promise crumbled. As companies disappeared, the playing field got smaller and the opportunities diminished. Suddenly - university wasn't your one stop shop to a promising and illustrious career - it just made you one of many. 

There is the thought that millennials want something for nothing. They don't want to work for their opportunities and expect them to be handed on a plate - and why this is true for some - especially those who dream of fame and fortune - it has become increasingly hard for our generation to gain opportunities. To get anywhere - particularly in the creative industries - you have to commit to working for free for years to get any opportunity to slide your way into the industry. For some - this isn't viable - particularly those outside cities who have shockingly high train tickets to pay for. 

So I think it's understandable that we've become disheartened and frustrated generation that are 'over-sensitive and desperate'. We imagined adulthood to be freeing but many of us are still living at our parents or living hand to mouth to cope.

Just as Gen X grew up in a changing social presence of increased freedom and new attitudes and the presence of youth culture - Gen Y have grown up around the increasing presence of social media and all that comes with it. We are the digital generation and our lives are lived online. Social media was born and thrived during our most formative years - so is it any wonder it's become such a huge presence in our lives? Has it affected how we view and present ourselves? Yes - but no more than previous generations trying to fit in. Of course there is more criticism of our generation and we can be targeted and abused by people we have never even met - but I would argue that rather than us being crumbling wrecks like Bret describes us - it has made us stronger. We've probably put up with more criticism than any other generation because we've opened our lives to the world.

Living our lives online has made us compare our lives more than any other generation before us - we have the constant sense of never being quite good enough or matching up to our peers. Before - you could largely avoid this unless you bumped into an old friend or compared yourselves to friends but now you have access to all of your university peers and old workmates at the touch of a button. 

Our lives are so different - can you even compare the generations? The majority of our parents were married with children in careers and owning homes within their twenties - but that's becoming increasingly unlikely for our generation who will be lucky to achieve this by their thirties. Some of us may never even own a home.

Isn't every generation of twenty-somethings lost? We're all finding our feet and while every generation will claim they did it better - we're all growing in different times and I don't think it's ever fair to compare or generalise.