Forever Alone

Loneliness is an ongoing problem for me. Living alone means I get very little interaction with people unless I make the effort to leave the house. Even then, it will often consist of me doing things alone such as walking around town or around the supermarket or even sitting in the park. 

I've never been a person with many friends and at this point in my life, at my age, I only have two real friends. Now these girls are my best friends and more than I could ever need because they know me inside out, get me completely and are the loveliest people - but thanks to full time jobs, boyfriends and locations - I don't get to see them as much as I'd like. 

This means I spend a lot of time in my own company, which thankfully I like (I wouldn't live alone otherwise) but sometimes this can get boring and frustrating. I have to keep myself occupied, which is why I've been baking more, probably doing too much online shopping, watching DVDs and bugging friends and family over text constantly. 

I'm really trying not to be anti-social but it is so hard to make new friends or meet new people when you rarely have plans and don't have many friends. Unlike many people my age, it's not like I have a boyfriend to spend time with either. At this age, everyone I know is seeing their other half in their spare time, living with them or even getting married to them! Meanwhile, I'm in my mid-twenties and am yet to meet anyone serious. I probably shouldn't feel pressured, but it's hard not to. I am always asked the same question at family parties 'Got a boyfriend yet then Stace?'

While I think that having a boyfriend shouldn't define you and that I'm quite happy being an independent single woman (thanks Beyonce), it's hard not to feel a tad left out when you don't have anyone to do anything with. Perhaps if I had more friends, I'd have more to do but we all get to that age when general acquaintances fall away and it's your real true friends that stay. 

It's hard to admit you're lonely, but I am. Now that I don't live with my family or with housemates, there isn't somebody there to talk to everyday. There's nobody to have spur of the moment plans with. I'm sick of reporting to work Monday morning and answering the question 'What did you do this weekend?' with 'Nothing'. 

The problem is, the only thing that does fill my time is shopping, which often leaves me poor and with no spare money less than a week after payday. I am filling my loneliness with material things! 

Now I know there is online dating, I've tried it, I am trying it, but it doesn't work for everyone. It's yet to work for me. I just wish I could meet somebody normally like everyone else.

Sorry, this is a bit of a woe is me blogpost. But it's thoughts and emotions I've had circling my head for the moment. Life needs to get a big more exciting, so I'm going to try and save (from next month) so that I can travel and fill a week or two with something exciting something far away. Time to stop wanting and start doing. Time to say yes. 

From Half-Marathons to a Holiday

Apologies for the two week absence but I've had a busy few weeks. Let me update you:

So on May 10th, I took part in the Moonwalk, completing a half marathon power walk through the city of London overnight with my mum in aid of breast cancer charities. After getting fit this year and becoming a regular at the gym, I'd decided to challenge myself to some kind of achievable sporting feat. I'm not a sporty person but I walk a lot everyday so I figured that I could complete a walking challenge. The charity was particularly important to me and my mum because my stepdad's mum died of breast cancer in January so we wanted to do something special in her memory. Cancer has affected many people in my life and even I have had the slightest brush with the disease, so I felt it was important to make an important contribution to combatting it. Me and my mum both raised a considerable amount and surpassed out goals thanks to the generosity of friends, family and workmates. If you'd like to donate you can do so here.

As somebody who has never been one for exercise until recently, I felt an enormous sense of achievement as I crossed the finish line on a gruelling 13.9 mile walk. It's been a long time since I felt proud of myself and the feeling was immense and I felt like I could do it all over again. I think my mum may have had other ideas!

Now I'm looking for my next walking challenge, but little did I know that my trip to Barcelona the following weekend would be just as much of a walking feat! Last weekend me and my best friend Zoe ventured over to the Spanish city to enjoy a few days away for my birthday. Within the first full day, we discovered that the city wasn't as big as we thought and that it was quite possible to walk everywhere in the city. This made exploring the city far easier but also meant that I probably walked another half marathon over the few days I was there!

Barcelona is an amazing city and I recommend it greatly for a long weekend. It's the perfect mix of a city and sun holiday thanks to it's med location and beach as well as exciting districts and streets that offer a mecca of shopping and eating delights. Done right, you can grab a bargain at the flea markets and gothic quarter shops as well as delicious spanish cuisine. I loved being among the amazing backdrop of Barcelona and it was a fantastic place to experience.

We also took a trip up Mount Tibidabo which offers a fantastic view of Barcelona is surprising easy and affordable to do thanks to a bus and tram service.

If I do recommend anything, it has to be an amazing cocktail bar called Dry Martini. Like a 1930s speakeasy, jazz plays in the background and the mixologists are experts at what they do. Slightly more expensive than your average cheap cocktail, this is the place to come for well made drinks, a special atmosphere and to meet other excited tourists.

By some feat, I managed to get my purchases back into my small cabin suitcase which I'd overpacked before I went away anyway. Now I've got the travel bug and just want to visit everywhere! Next on the list, Marrakech!

Why Feminism is Still Relevant

I'm going to try and make blogging a regular Sunday thing, so lets see if I actually stick to it this time. Keep on my back everyone!

So I've wrote about feminism a lot on this blog and it's a subject I'm passionate about. While feminism is something that's been prevalent for centuries, particularly within the last century, it's enjoying the latest wave and is finally something that is present in mainstream media and being talked about in commercial women's magazines. It's been enjoying this resurgence for well over five years and it's a delight to see more and more focus on important social and political issues for women. Yet we're still asked the same questions. Is feminism still relevant? What does it mean to be a feminist? What about men?

The answers? Of course feminism is still relevant. Women may enjoy more freedom than they've ever had before but there are still so many issues where we are still fighting for equality. Even in the workplace, where we're seeing more and more female CEOs and MDs - women on management boards and higher positions are still lagging severely behind. Of course we don't want 'token' women on boards to make up the numbers, but are women being considered as equally for these roles?

There was recently a campaign involving high profile successful women called 'Ban Bossy' which strived to stop asserting a powerful woman with the word bossy while we'd consider the same traits in a man as a 'leader'. Celebrities such as Beyonce and Victoria Beckham took part to spread the message. You can read more about it here but the message is that we should be encouraging girls and women to lead and not be fearful of being judged because they know what they want. Women still struggle to be taken seriously as leaders, bosses, managers and entrepreneurs and it is this attitude we want to eradicate so women can stride forth and lead.

But what does it mean to be a feminist? In truth, I believe there is no set guidebook for being a 'feminist' - you just have to believe in the right to equality for women. You want to be treated fairly and equally? You're a feminist. I've heard so many women completely shrug off the idea that they could be a feminist like it's a dirty word. It really frustrates and upsets me because unless you want to be some sort of subservient woman - then of course you're a feminist. My personal belief is that being a feminist can consist of whatever you want it to. You can just have the belief that equality is right or you can actively take part in spreading the word and trying to change society. It's whatever path you choose to take with it. Therefore there isn't a certain look for a feminist. You can look girly, you can wear make up, you can worry about your weight, you can shave your legs and it doesn't make you any less of a feminist.

You can keep your opinions to yourself, you can argue where you see there is something wrong and you can blog or bring the topic up with friends. I still see things to fight for everyday. Whether's it's an outdated and offensive comment from somebody around me, a cat call or a leering look or comment because I'm displaying skin - it's all an issue of feminism and the change that still has to be made. If you're not convinced, just a quick scroll down Everyday Sexism and you'll see just how far we still have to go.

Finally, what does being a feminist mean about your opinion of men? Well whatever you want it to, but I come from the non-hating men brand of feminism. I am a believer of equality and just how I believe women should be treated equally, I believe there are issues where men deserve equality as well. Men struggle to be taken seriously when it comes to instances of rape or domestic abuse and this is an attitude that needs to be addressed for both sides of the sex. Just as with women, I don't believe it should be one rule for either sex.

What we're striving for here is equality between the sexes not for one to be better than the other. We want to be treated with equal attitudes and taken seriously whatever path we choose. We want to obliterate stereotypes.

Do some more research and see for yourself, why feminism is still relevant and still deserves a place in modern society.

The Pros and Cons of Living Alone

Has it really been six months since I last blogged? I'm the worst blogger that ever blogged…or rather didn't. I keep saying I'm going to take blogging seriously, then next thing I know, months have passed and this blog lies neglected. But I'm feeling inspired and productive for the first time in ages so…who knows.

So since I last blogged, I've moved from a house share to a studio flat and now live alone. Living alone in something I've always wanted because it's fair to say all prior house sharing arrangements have ended or resulted in disaster and the loss of my sanity. So I searched and searched for the perfect affordable little studio and its existence almost seemed mythical…when finally…when I was about to give up all hope…my little flat hit the market and I bagged a viewing before anybody beat me to the bloody thing.

I've been in my new abode for two weeks and have had to get to grips with all manner of grown up tasks such as sorting out all my individual bills, keeping the place tidy and working out my escape plan if I ever come face to face with a spider. I'm pretty impressed with how I've handled actual adult tasks and now all that awaits is the plethora of bills landing on my doormat or my email inbox and thus draining my account. So many direct debits…

Many people ask me if I get lonely or scared living alone and the answer is 'Yes, of course', but thankfully I've always been someone that's content with my own company and never needed the company of others to feel sane or alive. I'm pretty used to my own company, I've never had mountains of friends that I've seen everyday and I've never had a boyfriend - so it's never felt odd being left to my own devices.

Thankfully my studio is petite in size, much like me. So it doesn't feel like I'm rattling around a big old house and wondering what every sound is. Which I was pretty much doing for the last month of my house share. It's so petite in fact that my bed comes out of the wall, a la 2 Broke Girls.

I've had a ball having my own space to decorate and furnish how I want. I've become a homeware fiend and it has just given me another reason to fuel my crippling shopping addiction more. I find myself drooling over glassware, mugs, furniture and ornaments. I have a dressing table on my list of things to save and buy even! I'm pouring over home magazines. I am a woman homeware possessed. But thanks to ma petit apartment, I've had to keep it somewhat on hold and within reason. So far, my bargain mason drinking jugs are my most prised possession.

Mess was always a huge issue with previous shares, but living alone means that all the mess is mine. I'm responsible and there is no blame game. I make a mess, I clean it, the job is done. So I can be as lazy or proactive as I want and there is no argument or frustration to anyone but me. The size of the place also means that cleaning takes no time at all, so there is no real excuse for skipping my chores.

Carrying on this theme, I can do whatever I bloody well want to. I can watch what I like on the telly, have a movie marathon, lay in bed catching up on Youtube, dance around with the music up, bake, try out new recipes, take a late or early shower, invite people over and ANSWER TO NO ONE.

But it's not all tea and cake…(but it mostly rules), because of course I do get a bit bored and lonely. I've taken to baking a lot of late because I'm at a loss what to do. When I get visitors, I don't really want them to leave, because it's nice having the company and seeing another human being. Don't get me wrong, I am a bit of a loner, but I'm not a total anti-social hermit. I love talking to people! I find myself trying to be the perfect host to make them stay longer! It's not like I can walking into a communal area and just start chatting shit for ages, there is nobody around for that anymore! People aren't always available for a phone call. But by keeping myself busy, which is also pro-active and stops me getting down on myself, then it can become something I won't notice as much.

For the first time in ages, I actually feel happy and content.

It's Hard Out Here for a Bitch

So my long time girl hero, Lily Allen, has finally emerged from her break from music after having two babies and she's as feisty and amazing as ever. I just watched her video and felt compelled to run to my blog and talk about how she still champions feminism and healthy body image and I love her for it. 

About 7 years ago, I wrote about how I admired Lily Allen because she challenged the norms of what a female pop star was and what they sang about. Lily has always been down to earth, outspoken and represented normal women. Now she's come back when it's needed more than ever.

For a while, Lily paved the way for people like herself to come out of the woodwork but then all of a sudden, pop became a very dark place again and women were strutting around in their knickers and calling it feminism. Now I'm all for feeling empowered, showing what you want of your body without prejudice and being able to wear as much or as little clothes as you want without being harassed or abused but when these bone thin girls are wearing high cut knickers and crop tops and twerking - who are they really doing it for? Either way they're getting a reaction and that's all pop seems to have turned into of late. A challenge to one up each other over who can be more shocking. 

Now I'm sure Lily's song and video will create their own controversies over swearing and imagery but to have a well known face like Lily singing about feminism is filling me with joy like you won't believe. She's not the first and she won't be the last, but what she's singing rings so true right now and I'm glad somebody has the tits to say it.

Because as much as people think feminism is an outdated concept and that 'We've got it better than ever', we are far from winning the fight for equality. I still on a daily basis hear sexist comments and women being constantly objectified over how pretty and sexy they are. Obviously we're all going to admire how someone looks, but when it's all that matters, what's gone wrong here? We were born with brains, don't they count? I'm just sick of how image based the world is. Every time I see a supermodel, a pop star or girl group or an actress - I'm made to feel I'll never match up.  

Women still aren't paid equally and don't get the same opportunities as men in some careers. It's still hard for a women to make it out there and break the glass ceiling - couple this with the possibility of starting a family as well and women are still fighting to be heard and prove themselves.

I think in a post Robin Thicke and Miley Cyrus world, women have got to shout louder than ever to be heard and prove themselves. I'm so glad Lily has come back to fight the good fight and inspire women again because I was starting to think we'd lost our way in the mainstream. 

Your Twenties - Expectation vs Reality

When I was a teenager, I imagined that a few years into my twenties, I'd have my life sorted and would be well on my way to success and happiness. Fast forward to me approaching my mid twenties and things haven't exactly gone to my overly ambitious plan.

The frustrating thing about your twenties is that it doesn't usually look like what you expected it to. As teenagers or students still in education, we like to imagine that at the end of years of following the path set for us, everything will work out by the end and slot into place. Most of us have ambitions and an image of where we'd like to be.

However for me and many other people my age, it hasn't exactly worked out. A long recession saw to that and has seen many of us finding ourselves still living at home and wondering where the hell our lives are going. Even for those who have managed to fly the nest, low paying jobs have meant living by a tight budget and disappointing living conditions. 

Maybe I'm alone in my previously ambitious view of my future, but when I was 18 and imagined my life five years into the future (and I did) I expected to be well established into a career, have a nice flat and a wardrobe of designer items. Boy was I wrong.

Perhaps this is a right of passage for your twenties, but not one we are prepared for thanks to novels, TV shows and films usually showing us well established twenty-somethings. I think Girls was the first to show us a realistic perspective and attitude, and I am obsessively in love with the show, but let's be real here - the four girls still manage to afford to live in New York and live pretty fabulous lives even if it isn't SATC degree of fabulous.

It seems that for many of us, not blessed with a silver spoon or useful contacts, your twenties is the school of hard knocks and this is where we do the growing we need to become relatively well established thirty year olds. But then again, could I be writing this blog in ten years time with the same line of 'It wasn't how I thought it would be'? Perhaps the simple truth is that you never know where your life is going and what the future holds. There is a famous line in a Sex and the City episode that goes: That's the key to having it all: stop expecting it to look like what you thought it was going to look like. 

At the start of every year, I try and imagine where I will be by the end of it. It's a pointless task, because the simple truth is that I have no idea. At the end of every year, I think over everything that has happened and realise how I could of never have predicted parts of it. I think this year, this will be particularly true, thanks to an unexpected health problem and resulting surgery. How could I have predicted that?

In many ways, I feel that your twenties is a confusing decade. You're young but old, irresponsible but responsible, naive but experienced. You're constantly growing and trying to improve and establish yourself that you don't know whether you're coming or going. Then there is the peer pressure and friendly competition. Friends and peers are getting their dream jobs, travelling, getting married and having babies and you begin to feel left behind and lost, wondering when it's your turn. While so and so meets the love of their life, buys a house and runs a company, you find yourself still never having had a serious relationship, living at your parents house and still only just beginning your career.

I suppose in a way, it's this frustration that keeps us going and teaches us life lessons to hold close and allow us to grow. It just happens to different people at different times and hopefully for good reason. Without life envy, what would push us to strive for our own dreams? If everything happened how we imagined and hoped, what could we possibly hope to learn?

5 Things That Suck About Recovering from Surgery

Hello All,

I am in the process of considering setting up a new blog as I've been so bloody useless on this one and I need some more direction and organisation and discipline but while I think of a name, theme and general approach, I'll stick to this one. Failing that, maybe I'll raise this blog like a phoenix from the ashes and actually update it.

Meanwhile, I had surgery last week and am currently dealing with the unadulterated boredom of post-surgery recovery. All is fine, just a slight little health hiccup which I hope is behind me now, but as my first experience of open surgery, it was a scary time. Not to mention painful.

So here are a few things that suck about recovering from surgery:

1. BOREDOM. SO MUCH BOREDOM.

The problem with post-surgery is that you have to take it easy and for the most part, that means a lot of staying at home - avoiding the dangerous outside and the threat of people bumping into you. Yes when we work full time, nothing sounds more perfect that lazing on the sofa and watching daytime TV, but after a few days of that and not much opportunity to go out - it gets really boring, really fast.

I have a lot of things to keep me occupied - my new Mac which I'm typing this on, 3 new books, 10 magazines and countless DVDs but it's the kind of boredom where you literally can't be bothered to do anything to get you out of this mindset.

2. Exhaustion

Obviously, surgery is quite a lot for your body to go through and as a result it takes a while to recover fully from it. The rest you need to take can also play havoc with your stamina. I had my surgery on Monday September 2 and I've only been out twice since the surgery. Both times, I've felt absolutely exhausted after. It feels so good to get out the house but it's becoming clear this is something I need to do slow and steady. It seems that as much as you want to get back to normal life, you have to listen to your body and take it a day at a time.

3. The General Public

I'm not the general public's biggest fan at the best of times, but post-surgery you have to become some kind of Terminator type scanner to seek out potential risks. These people don't know you have a healing wound about your person and don't understand how much pain or damage they could do to you if the were to bump into you. Therefore you have to be the one to dodge their oblivious strolling as they walk with their head in their phone and feet on auto-pilot. Constantly being on red alert is extremely draining and makes shopping much less enjoyable and much more obstacle course.

4. Restricted Mobility

I've had abdominal surgery, which is making anything from sitting, lying, bending and even stretching, a difficult and painful task. For someone that likes to rush around fast and get what they need, I've had to dramatically slow down and take my time. I've had to come up with ways to get what I need, which means I've developed an awkward lunge if I need to get anything below waist level. I have to lower myself to sit down like a pregnant lady. Getting things off the floor? Don't even think about it.

5. Dropping Things

Since I can't bend down or get anything that's on the floor (unless I can grab them with my feet), I've had to deal with the fact that if I drop something, it stays on the floor until somebody can help me out. My hands seem to think this is hilarious and have mysteriously became completely useless since surgery. This has seen me continually drop things and leave a trail of mess wherever I go or calling for help. In shops, if something falls off the hanger, I've had to become one of those dickheads that ignores it, because I can't pick it up!

Because I don't look pregnant or injured, I'm fairly certain I just look like a slow walking, lazy weirdo. It's not immeditely obvious that I've had surgery, which is a good thing, but it means people aren't aware of why I'm acting strangely. But let's face it, even if there was a badge I could wear that said 'I've just had surgery - give me space and patience', I wouldn't wear it anyway and everyone would be too intrigued in their smartphones to give it any attention.