Tomorrow I graduate university, and it feels too soon.
I don't want to be officially pushed out into the real world, it's scary. For seventeen years of my life, I've had an educational establishment to fall back on every September. To look forward and plan for, with a routine and a set path. I knew where I was going! I wanted to be a journalist, I had since I started high school and now I've got the qualifications and experience to do it, it's just getting there.
University was always sold as 'the best years of your life', and in some ways it was. The freedom was euphoric. We drank, we danced, we had silly inside jokes and stayed up til the small hours. In fact, while I think about it now, so much happened in those three quick years and I have so many memories to take with me. Some of the adventures I had, people I met and lessons I learnt were important parts of my time there.
I had the best of times, and I had the worst of times. I made friends, I lost friends. And maybe I was never quite fully understood, and things didn't end as I hoped but it's over now and it's the way it goes.
To think that tomorrow I will be in graduation gown and cap, with a crowd of people I shared those memories with, in the city I lived them, for possibly the last ever time is surreal, sad and scary. I've worked so hard, and it all comes down to this. I can be proud of myself and know...
I did it my way.
Goodbye class of 2011.
Monday, 5 September 2011
Sunday, 24 July 2011
Tears dry on their own.
I'm sitting here listening to Amy Winehouse, and it still hasn't really sunk in that Amy's gone. When I heard the news of Amy's death yesterday, it stopped me in my tracks. A true musical legend of my generation, I've followed her career since the Brits praised her for Frank back in 2003.
It seems so unfair that we have lost so many fantastic pop culture icons because of drugs and alcohol. What is it about these substances that entice people into throwing their lives away? Back to Black pushed Amy into the public eye, and sold millions. It's a perfect, timeless album, that I could listen to again over and over again. There is so much soul, hurt and emotion on that album, that we believe every word Amy sings. She put on a hard front, but those lyrics could only come from true vulnerability.
As we watched her fall into that spiral of drugs and alcohol, lost and confused on newspaper pages, stumbling and mumbling through performances, we willed her to take control and recover. She never really did, and I believe the 'right' people around her tried to save her, but it was Amy's decision and in the end, her final one was her last.
We'll never really know what was going through her mind yesterday. I just hope the negative influencers in her life, that introduced her to that world, know what they did.
In some respect, we always suspected it would end like this, but never hoped it would. I never knew her, but through her lyrics I felt like in some way I did. Listen to her music and keep it alive, and show Amy respect. No matter what your opinion on Amy, someone still died, a family is grieving.
Goodbye Amy. I hope you found the peace you needed.
We only said goodbye with words...
Monday, 27 June 2011
Waiting...
I have one week until I find out if the last three long years of university were worth it.
Just thinking about it is increasing my heartbeat. I'm truly terrified. I feel I've worked hard, and tried my hardest these past three years, but I have the usual nagging fear that my grades might not be good enough...that I'll get a 2:2 instead of a 2:1. A difference of a grade could mean weeping or whooping and it makes me feel physically sick.
I almost completely lost my mind in my third year, with all the work and stress. I hope it was worth it. If you'd like to see the website I created with my group members Rachel Dalton and Lucy Smith, you can find it here or the accompanying website for the vintage lifestyle magazine I created (by myself I may add), it is here.
On top of that I had a dissertation and business of journalism coursework to do. Word to the wise, be prepared for third year, the workload is huge, so schedule yourself!
I suppose all I can do is hope, I've tried my hardest and there isn't anything more I can do this next week, except wait...
Just thinking about it is increasing my heartbeat. I'm truly terrified. I feel I've worked hard, and tried my hardest these past three years, but I have the usual nagging fear that my grades might not be good enough...that I'll get a 2:2 instead of a 2:1. A difference of a grade could mean weeping or whooping and it makes me feel physically sick.
I almost completely lost my mind in my third year, with all the work and stress. I hope it was worth it. If you'd like to see the website I created with my group members Rachel Dalton and Lucy Smith, you can find it here or the accompanying website for the vintage lifestyle magazine I created (by myself I may add), it is here.
On top of that I had a dissertation and business of journalism coursework to do. Word to the wise, be prepared for third year, the workload is huge, so schedule yourself!
I suppose all I can do is hope, I've tried my hardest and there isn't anything more I can do this next week, except wait...
Wednesday, 9 February 2011
I don't want kids ok?
Hello!
I'm sorry it's been a while, but I have an insane amount of uni work to do. Third year is a bitch of epic proportions. Then if I'm not doing that I'm procrastinating or sleeping.
OK, so today's blog is a bit of a rant. I often find myself in feminist arguments with my largely non-feminist flatmates. But I find myself in the same argument with a lot of people; flatmates, family and mostly mother.
It seems, in the 21st century, where women are more powerful than ever, working their way up the career ladder, running businesses and generally taking over the world, it is still taboo for a women not to have that maternal gene.
If a woman declares she doesn't want children, she is looked at in shock and if she's young like me, told she'll change her mind. Is it almost impossible for people to understand why a woman would rather have a great career than a house, a husband and 2.4 children.
Don't get me wrong, I like children, I adore my niece and nephew. However, I have no desire to have children of my own. Selfish it may be, but I don't have the time, patience or energy. The best thing about other people's children is that I can give them back.
My life ambitions are more focused around getting a great career than getting married and having children. I want to achieve a great position on a magazine, and that takes time, energy and commitment. I don't want to have to take off maternity leave and risk my job. I don't want to hardly see my kids or form no real relationship with them, because I'm never there.
It is possible to be a powerful woman and have children, there are editors of women's magazines with children. I'm not saying you can't have one without the other. You can. But I want the freedom to do what I want, when I want to. If I have the offer of a trip to New York, I want to be able to take it.
I could never be a woman that gives up her freedom and job for a man. I've worked hard my entire life and I don't intend on spending my days cooking, cleaning and greeting my husband when he gets in from work. It would send me insane.
As much as I enjoy expensive things, I don't think I'd be content with being a kept woman, it would get incredibly boring. I wouldn't want to have to rely on a man. Surely there is more joy in working hard, saving money and buying something great for yourself. That sense you earned it, rather than owe someone.
Who knows. Maybe everyone will be right, and I may end up with children. But for now, I really can't see it. It's never been a desire of mine to have children. It is possible for a woman not to have that desire, and she shouldn't be demonised for it. It doesn't make her heartless, it just makes her different. Times have changed, and women should be able to feel like they're life is still fulfilled if they don't have children or a husband.
As long as a woman is happy with life, should it matter? A man isn't demonised for not wanting children. I hope to find a man that doesn't expect out of date conventions from me. Women have brains and are capable of making their own decisions. I shouldn't have to say "Oh you want a child? OK, I'll have one, my hearts not in it, but sure...I'll give up my life if that's what you want."
Call me selfish and heartless, but it's my decision if I decide to pro-create.
I'm sorry it's been a while, but I have an insane amount of uni work to do. Third year is a bitch of epic proportions. Then if I'm not doing that I'm procrastinating or sleeping.
OK, so today's blog is a bit of a rant. I often find myself in feminist arguments with my largely non-feminist flatmates. But I find myself in the same argument with a lot of people; flatmates, family and mostly mother.
It seems, in the 21st century, where women are more powerful than ever, working their way up the career ladder, running businesses and generally taking over the world, it is still taboo for a women not to have that maternal gene.
If a woman declares she doesn't want children, she is looked at in shock and if she's young like me, told she'll change her mind. Is it almost impossible for people to understand why a woman would rather have a great career than a house, a husband and 2.4 children.
Don't get me wrong, I like children, I adore my niece and nephew. However, I have no desire to have children of my own. Selfish it may be, but I don't have the time, patience or energy. The best thing about other people's children is that I can give them back.
My life ambitions are more focused around getting a great career than getting married and having children. I want to achieve a great position on a magazine, and that takes time, energy and commitment. I don't want to have to take off maternity leave and risk my job. I don't want to hardly see my kids or form no real relationship with them, because I'm never there.
It is possible to be a powerful woman and have children, there are editors of women's magazines with children. I'm not saying you can't have one without the other. You can. But I want the freedom to do what I want, when I want to. If I have the offer of a trip to New York, I want to be able to take it.
I could never be a woman that gives up her freedom and job for a man. I've worked hard my entire life and I don't intend on spending my days cooking, cleaning and greeting my husband when he gets in from work. It would send me insane.
As much as I enjoy expensive things, I don't think I'd be content with being a kept woman, it would get incredibly boring. I wouldn't want to have to rely on a man. Surely there is more joy in working hard, saving money and buying something great for yourself. That sense you earned it, rather than owe someone.
Who knows. Maybe everyone will be right, and I may end up with children. But for now, I really can't see it. It's never been a desire of mine to have children. It is possible for a woman not to have that desire, and she shouldn't be demonised for it. It doesn't make her heartless, it just makes her different. Times have changed, and women should be able to feel like they're life is still fulfilled if they don't have children or a husband.
As long as a woman is happy with life, should it matter? A man isn't demonised for not wanting children. I hope to find a man that doesn't expect out of date conventions from me. Women have brains and are capable of making their own decisions. I shouldn't have to say "Oh you want a child? OK, I'll have one, my hearts not in it, but sure...I'll give up my life if that's what you want."
Call me selfish and heartless, but it's my decision if I decide to pro-create.
Wednesday, 6 October 2010
Feminism: A dirty word?
I feel I've been boring my peers a lot with my feminist rants lately, but the complete lack of enthusiasm by women to open their eyes to feminist issues is shocking.
It seems after we won the vote and campaigned for equal pay, most women believed the job of feminists had been done, and to carry on the fight in the 21st century was pointless and radical. After all, what is there left to fight for?
Feminists are still perceived as hairy legged man hating ranters, who are scary and odd, and not one to engage in conversation. I can see people cringe when I mention I'm a feminist, as they conjure up these images.
I do not have to compromise who I am to be a feminist, I'm a dedicated follower of fashion, I swoon over unsuitable guys and sometimes (shock horror) I show a bit of leg.
During a discussion with friends after a night out, I mentioned how a guy had grabbed my arse, and how I was appalled and would of punched him, had I not had my hands full with drinks as I navigated myself out of a bar queue.
I was told 'what did I expect' as I was dressed in shorts and knee high socks. I argued that I could dress provocatively if I wished, and not have to worry about getting goosed.
It seems young women who have benefited from the work of past generations of women, simply accept these new rights we have as the norm, and are quite willing to accept the social inequalities we still face today.
Women are still not paid equally in Britain, despite the equal pay act the feminists fought so hard for. Thankfully gagging orders about male colleague's salaries have recently been lifted, making it illegal for companies to hide what individuals are being paid. So while the fight is still far from over, we're getting closer.
My point is, among students, where opinions and political activism should be at their highest, many women are simply happy to sit back and accept the situation.
Is it fair that some men still think it is acceptable to view us as sex objects that they have unprecedented access to?
Is it right that there are women who will answer to their boyfriend's every word and caution?
Is it okay that some women will dress provocatively purely for the chance to please men?
Should we accept the undertone of most popular music, selling sex to sell female artists?
We have a lot to thank feminists for; without the suffragettes we wouldn't have votes, without first wave feminists we wouldn't have equal pay and equal job opportunities.
Next time you sneer at feminism, think about it.
It seems after we won the vote and campaigned for equal pay, most women believed the job of feminists had been done, and to carry on the fight in the 21st century was pointless and radical. After all, what is there left to fight for?
Feminists are still perceived as hairy legged man hating ranters, who are scary and odd, and not one to engage in conversation. I can see people cringe when I mention I'm a feminist, as they conjure up these images.
I do not have to compromise who I am to be a feminist, I'm a dedicated follower of fashion, I swoon over unsuitable guys and sometimes (shock horror) I show a bit of leg.
During a discussion with friends after a night out, I mentioned how a guy had grabbed my arse, and how I was appalled and would of punched him, had I not had my hands full with drinks as I navigated myself out of a bar queue.
I was told 'what did I expect' as I was dressed in shorts and knee high socks. I argued that I could dress provocatively if I wished, and not have to worry about getting goosed.
It seems young women who have benefited from the work of past generations of women, simply accept these new rights we have as the norm, and are quite willing to accept the social inequalities we still face today.
Women are still not paid equally in Britain, despite the equal pay act the feminists fought so hard for. Thankfully gagging orders about male colleague's salaries have recently been lifted, making it illegal for companies to hide what individuals are being paid. So while the fight is still far from over, we're getting closer.
My point is, among students, where opinions and political activism should be at their highest, many women are simply happy to sit back and accept the situation.
Is it fair that some men still think it is acceptable to view us as sex objects that they have unprecedented access to?
Is it right that there are women who will answer to their boyfriend's every word and caution?
Is it okay that some women will dress provocatively purely for the chance to please men?
Should we accept the undertone of most popular music, selling sex to sell female artists?
We have a lot to thank feminists for; without the suffragettes we wouldn't have votes, without first wave feminists we wouldn't have equal pay and equal job opportunities.
Next time you sneer at feminism, think about it.
Sunday, 25 July 2010
The summer where I didn't stop.
It really has been a mad few months, which sort of justifies my lack of blogging. Well, that's my story and I'm sticking to it...
First there was New York, which was truly amazing. I've also been working a lot to raise some holiday dosh, and then I had my work experience at the local paper. And now I have more work experience at my grandparent's local paper.
The best thing about the work experience I've had, is that it proved to me that this career path I've been following for ten years, is the right one for me. I felt so at home in the Newsroom, and it's important for me to land in a job, where I can get up for work everyday, excited to see what the day will bring.
Maybe that job satisfaction won't last forever, who knows? Yet at this moment in time, its new and exciting and I know that I want to be a journalist. Being able to write everyday and get paid for it, is my dream job. I really hope I achieve it, and maybe end up writing at a top women's magazine in New York....if somehow the world goes mad, and I get lucky.
Meanwhile, I will soon be jetting off to Florida to soak up the sun, and scream my head off. Oh and lots of shopping. Even after New York, I am yet to be bored of it. If there are pretty clothes, I'm there. Maybe I can make it as a stylist or personal shopper if journalism doesn't work out?
First there was New York, which was truly amazing. I've also been working a lot to raise some holiday dosh, and then I had my work experience at the local paper. And now I have more work experience at my grandparent's local paper.
The best thing about the work experience I've had, is that it proved to me that this career path I've been following for ten years, is the right one for me. I felt so at home in the Newsroom, and it's important for me to land in a job, where I can get up for work everyday, excited to see what the day will bring.
Maybe that job satisfaction won't last forever, who knows? Yet at this moment in time, its new and exciting and I know that I want to be a journalist. Being able to write everyday and get paid for it, is my dream job. I really hope I achieve it, and maybe end up writing at a top women's magazine in New York....if somehow the world goes mad, and I get lucky.
Meanwhile, I will soon be jetting off to Florida to soak up the sun, and scream my head off. Oh and lots of shopping. Even after New York, I am yet to be bored of it. If there are pretty clothes, I'm there. Maybe I can make it as a stylist or personal shopper if journalism doesn't work out?
Saturday, 26 June 2010
I heart New York.
Here is a blog post I wrote a while ago, and never posted because my computer crashed. Its half finished, but worth a publish...
I am currently suffering the post New York trip blues. Last week I was exploring the wonderful city of New York, today I am in Essex, bored out of my brain.
I think I've found my spiritual home, it's like I'm meant to be there, as if it was designed for me. It's given me my ultimate life goal, get an excellent journalism job at a fantastic exciting magazine in New York. Hmm, sounds easy enough...
Its grid system, the endless shops, the beautiful scenery, the people and how at home it made me, all made it steal my heart. I'm determined to make it my home one day. I don't feel right at all now I'm back in Blighty. Normal everyday life just doesn't cut it.
I did so much shopping in New York, and lets not be mistaken, its not as if theres a shortage of them there. From Century 21 to American Eagle to Abercrombie and Fitch, I was in my element, and my wardrobe has seen some fantastic new editions. Lets just say I'm set for t-shirts and I have some gorgeous dresses I can dress up or down. Perfect.
A highlight to the shopping experience is stepping into Abercrombie and Fitch and coming face to face with a shirtless male model. I think every shopping experience should start like this. Getting to side up to a young gorgeous man and get a polaroid as a souviner lightens up any day. So much so, I collected three.
Another excellent highlight was my trip down Bleeker Street, that took me to Carrie's steps from Sex and the City. An important experience for all SATC fans, and a stark reminder how much I'd give for Carrie Bradshaw's life. Just minutes later, I found myself at Magnolia Bakery, another important SATC landmark and the best cupcakes ever. For a cupcake enthusiast, an important landmark. I invested in the red velvet with cream, a bright red cupcake with sweet creamy buttercream covering the top. If journalism doesn't work out, I will be starting my own cake shop, its my only other passion.
5th Avenue reminded me that I need to make a lot of money, so I can afford gorgeous designer garments. The affect the have on me is pure passion, and it breaks my heart that I can't afford them.
I am currently suffering the post New York trip blues. Last week I was exploring the wonderful city of New York, today I am in Essex, bored out of my brain.
I think I've found my spiritual home, it's like I'm meant to be there, as if it was designed for me. It's given me my ultimate life goal, get an excellent journalism job at a fantastic exciting magazine in New York. Hmm, sounds easy enough...
Its grid system, the endless shops, the beautiful scenery, the people and how at home it made me, all made it steal my heart. I'm determined to make it my home one day. I don't feel right at all now I'm back in Blighty. Normal everyday life just doesn't cut it.
I did so much shopping in New York, and lets not be mistaken, its not as if theres a shortage of them there. From Century 21 to American Eagle to Abercrombie and Fitch, I was in my element, and my wardrobe has seen some fantastic new editions. Lets just say I'm set for t-shirts and I have some gorgeous dresses I can dress up or down. Perfect.
A highlight to the shopping experience is stepping into Abercrombie and Fitch and coming face to face with a shirtless male model. I think every shopping experience should start like this. Getting to side up to a young gorgeous man and get a polaroid as a souviner lightens up any day. So much so, I collected three.
Another excellent highlight was my trip down Bleeker Street, that took me to Carrie's steps from Sex and the City. An important experience for all SATC fans, and a stark reminder how much I'd give for Carrie Bradshaw's life. Just minutes later, I found myself at Magnolia Bakery, another important SATC landmark and the best cupcakes ever. For a cupcake enthusiast, an important landmark. I invested in the red velvet with cream, a bright red cupcake with sweet creamy buttercream covering the top. If journalism doesn't work out, I will be starting my own cake shop, its my only other passion.
5th Avenue reminded me that I need to make a lot of money, so I can afford gorgeous designer garments. The affect the have on me is pure passion, and it breaks my heart that I can't afford them.
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