My Body, My Decision

I've just read an article in this weeks Stylist magazine (8/10/14 - guest edited by Lena Dunham) and am so frustrated and angry at the state of women's rights and healthcare in America that I just had to take to the blog.

While I am a strong believer in women's rights for women all over the world, particularly in less developed countries where women are treated like second class citizens and have almost no rights, I was frankly shocked at the state of women's rights in highly developed countries such as America and Ireland.

I've been following the contraception  and abortion debate in America for some time now and am well aware of the struggle women are facing there. I'm afraid I'm not fully educated on everything but this article spelled a lot of it out for me and highlighted what I already knew - that many republican politicians are trying and succeeding at controlling women's rights to contraception and abortion.

As US activist Sarah Sophie Flicker highlights in her article - In the past four years, more than 200 laws restricting abortion rights were put into practice in the US. As we all know, America doesn't have a system like the NHS and most access to healthcare is via insurance or Medicaid for low-income families. This means that birth control is costly and not as readily available as it is here in the UK.

Sarah highlights that birth control pills can vary from $15-$150 per month depending on insurance cover and where you live. Under The Affordable Care Act - some plans provide birth control free but if the plan falls under any religious exclusions or is associated with a non-profit organisation then it doesn't apply.

To put the situation into perspective, here are some shocking statistics from the article:

• In 31 American states, a rapist can sue a woman for custody or visitation rights of a child birthed from rape, 
• 87% of all US counties have no abortion provider
• In 13 states a pharmacist can legally refuse to dispense birth control despite a prescription
• 26 states have waiting periods for abortion
• In the first six months of 2014, Republican state houses introduced 468 bills to regulate women's bodies. Surprise, surprise - no such laws for men. 
• Last month, every single Republican senator voted against a bill to help women get equal pay

How these statistics can exist in 2014 in a developed country such as America is baffling to me. What these politicians and laws are saying is that women who have unplanned pregnancies have uncontrollable libidos and that if we want birth control it's because we're easy and want to have lots of casual sex (which there is nothing wrong with). They also imply that if we were raped that we must have been drunk or wearing something provocative and that it was our own fault. That women shouldn't have sex unless we want it to result in a baby.

My understanding is that many of these beliefs in America come from the far right religious Republicans and that they are letting their far outdated Catholic or Christian beliefs take over. You can't impose these religious beliefs on an entire country. Follow the religious beliefs that you want, but to impose them on the women of an entire country is wrong. If you're going to be as militant Christian to that degree, how are you any less worse than the extreme terrorists we are currently fighting against?

But I don't want to get into an argument about religion, personally I'm an atheist. But just like I don't push my atheism on those who are religious, I don't expect them to push their beliefs on something as serious as law and healthcare.

Even those who aren't religious have their own strong believes on abortion. I am pro-choice and believe women should have access to free abortion and be supported through this process but I of course believe it should by no means be used as a form of contraception (which is possibly more of a fabricated lie from the media than something that actually happens). Abortion is by no means an easy decision for a woman to make, but for some, pregnancy is just not a viable option because of various circumstances. Whatever your beliefs or experiences, all women need access to abortion and birth control to allow them to take control of their own bodies. You can't force women to go through with pregnancies they don't want or aren't ready for - this is both unhealthy for the mother and baby. 

I am so thankful to live in the UK, where thanks to the NHS, women to have access to these services and that we are provided with free birth control and access to abortion. This is so important. But you may be shocked to know that in Northern Ireland and Ireland, abortion is still illegal, even in instances of rape and is punishable by a life sentence. The only time it is permitted is if a women's life is in danger but as a recent news story revealed - this doesn't always work out either when it resulted in the death of a woman who was refused an abortion. These women have to travel to countries where it is legal, such as the UK, to access these services.

Demonise women who seek abortions all you want, but I think access to these rights is so so important and I hope my country and countries around the world will provide these services to women and allow them to make their own decisions about their body.

To find out more about the campaign Lady Parts Justice, click here. 

Life in Your Early Twenties vs Life in Your Mid Twenties

When you're in your teens, it never really seems as if life would change much between your early twenties to mid twenties but in reality - you might do more growing than you think. Your twenties are when you do some of the most growing you ever will, and maturity might reap it's ugly head sooner than you think.

1. Going Out Every Weekend vs Rarely Going Out At All

In your early twenties, almost every weekend is filled with plans with your friends to hit the town and get extremely drunk in the process. However, once full time jobs get in the way, you're grateful of any rest you can get and making plans just to see your friends at all is hard enough, let alone plan a night out everybody can do. Soon you learn to appreciate the sweet relief of a night on the sofa with a glass of wine or a mug of tea and a nice early night. Before you know it, it's been months since your last night out and you're wondering what happened to any form of social life. Then, when you do go out - you're lucky to make it past 1am.

2. Super Noodles vs A Home Cooked Round Meal

If you were a student or even just a growing adult looking to fill your stomach, convenience was everything and you were happy to stuff your face as long as it was quick and easy. Cue a diet of super noodles, pasta or frozen food. Of course this is still prevalent in your mid twenties, but you've learnt to appreciate the value of a square meal and have a few home cooked meals in your arsenal to pull out on a lazy sunday or when you can't blag an invite to a family roast dinner.

3. Spending All Your Money vs Trying to Form Some Kind of Budget

This is one I'm still struggling with as I can't budget for toffee, but compared to the days when you would spend all your money on drinking, fast food and clothes - you've acquired a few more responsibilities and have to account for those with your monthly wage such a rent, food and bills. Unlike in your early twenties, it soon becomes rather tiresome and humiliating to run to your parents for money every time.

4. Buying Budget vs Learning You Get What You Pay For

As much as you love a good supermarket value bargain or a quick dash in Primark, as you reach your mid twenties you begin to learn that sometimes you get what you pay for. That perhaps, sometimes it pays to spend a little more on staple pieces such as jeans and trousers because they last longer. That high-end make up might just be worth it and that you really can taste the difference when you spend a bit more on food and drink. No more boxed wine for you.

5. Ignoring Your Health vs Caring About Your Health

Previously you'd either ignore or try and sleep off any illness but now you've discovered the wonder of pharmaceuticals and the difference between a cold and flu. Cold - you need to drag yourself to work. Flu - you literally would have to drag yourself to work because your energy has vanished and you can't remember feeling this bad. Or the difference between a hangover and food poisoning. Hangover - cured with food. Food poisoning - literally no food will stay down. You begin to appreciate your health a lot more and actually go the doctors if you spot symptoms - well if you can get an appointment around work that is. This also transfers to your diet and lifestyle too. Soon you get a nagging guilt if you eat coco pops, chocolate or a big pizza too many times in a week and instead you actually WANT to eat vegetables. You debate the merits of dairy and carbs and you actually get a gym pass and TRY and go.

6. Giving People a Chance vs Looking After No.1

You used to give people or significant others a few chances, but after a few years of putting up with other people's rubbish you soon realise there's only so many chances you can give and that sometimes people aren't worth your time. Be it friends or dates - your mid twenties are when the cull begins.

7. A Level Playing Field vs Marriage and Babies

By your mid twenties, you actually know people who are getting married, having babies and buying property. Suddenly everyone is very grown up and you're conscious of growing up yourself and just how impending your thirties really are.

8. A Late Night vs An Early Night

Before you'd be up until the early hours, either drinking with friends or wasting time on the internet - sometimes until it started getting light. Now you can't get enough of sleep and appreciate nothing more than being in bed by 10am. In fact - it's a luxury - as is at least eight hours sleep.

Are We Really Generation Wuss?

Bret Easton Ellis has branded millennials as Generation Wuss - branding us as 'over-sensitive' and 'self-obsessed' He blames our parents for over-protecting us and shielding us from the harsh realities of life. He says social media has made us narcissistic and more worried about what other people think of us than any other generation before us.

The 50-year old author says that he does sympathise with Gen Y though - growing up in the wake of 9/11 and economic crisis as well as an ever 'demeaning sexual atmosphere that places a relentless emphasis on good looks (Tinder being the most prevalent example)'.

Some older generations may agree with this analysis and it's not the first time that millennials have been branded as narcissistic. It's practically the defining quality of our generation - but is it fair to make a sweeping generalisation about an entire age group? Could we do the same with baby boomers and Gen X? We've all grown up in different sets of circumstances in an ever changing world - so of course our approach to life will vary - but is it really fair to label millennials as spoilt brats? 

As a generation - we were encouraged to go to university and promised a promising career as a result - but then the economic crisis hit and this promise crumbled. As companies disappeared, the playing field got smaller and the opportunities diminished. Suddenly - university wasn't your one stop shop to a promising and illustrious career - it just made you one of many. 

There is the thought that millennials want something for nothing. They don't want to work for their opportunities and expect them to be handed on a plate - and why this is true for some - especially those who dream of fame and fortune - it has become increasingly hard for our generation to gain opportunities. To get anywhere - particularly in the creative industries - you have to commit to working for free for years to get any opportunity to slide your way into the industry. For some - this isn't viable - particularly those outside cities who have shockingly high train tickets to pay for. 

So I think it's understandable that we've become disheartened and frustrated generation that are 'over-sensitive and desperate'. We imagined adulthood to be freeing but many of us are still living at our parents or living hand to mouth to cope.

Just as Gen X grew up in a changing social presence of increased freedom and new attitudes and the presence of youth culture - Gen Y have grown up around the increasing presence of social media and all that comes with it. We are the digital generation and our lives are lived online. Social media was born and thrived during our most formative years - so is it any wonder it's become such a huge presence in our lives? Has it affected how we view and present ourselves? Yes - but no more than previous generations trying to fit in. Of course there is more criticism of our generation and we can be targeted and abused by people we have never even met - but I would argue that rather than us being crumbling wrecks like Bret describes us - it has made us stronger. We've probably put up with more criticism than any other generation because we've opened our lives to the world.

Living our lives online has made us compare our lives more than any other generation before us - we have the constant sense of never being quite good enough or matching up to our peers. Before - you could largely avoid this unless you bumped into an old friend or compared yourselves to friends but now you have access to all of your university peers and old workmates at the touch of a button. 

Our lives are so different - can you even compare the generations? The majority of our parents were married with children in careers and owning homes within their twenties - but that's becoming increasingly unlikely for our generation who will be lucky to achieve this by their thirties. Some of us may never even own a home.

Isn't every generation of twenty-somethings lost? We're all finding our feet and while every generation will claim they did it better - we're all growing in different times and I don't think it's ever fair to compare or generalise.

Is the Quarter-Life Crisis a Thing?

If you read Buzzfeed or anything aimed at millennials - you may have heard of the 'Quarter-Life Crisis'. Before the age of the millennials  - life crises were aimed at the middle aged and those turning 30 - so is the quarter-life crisis really a thing or should those of us in our mid-twenties just shut up and get on with life? Was the quarter-life crisis really there all along?

I have to say, I'm strongly on the side of the quarter-life crisis being a thing. Your twenties are a strange time of adulthood - where you're only really just finding your feet. Out of uni and into the world of employment - your twenties are the slap in the face of reality that perhaps your dream of moving out of your parents and getting your dream job isn't as easy as you imagined.

Many of us had dreams of being in our ideal jobs by our mid-twenties but in reality - it just doesn't happen that way and life plans become a bit pointless because it's impossible to follow unrealistic targets. So when we're at the age where we thought we would be well on our career path - we're really only just finding our feet or still trying to get them through the door.

Add onto this, that in your twenties your peers begin doing very grown up things like getting married and having children while you're still single and couldn't even begin to imagine looking after a real life mini human-being when you can barely keep a house plant alive.

Soon your Facebook is filled with people getting engaged, married, buying houses, having children, having more children or travelling the world while you spend your weekends sighing at your empty bank account and watching YouTube (or is that just me?).

You find yourself desperate to get your shit together, much earlier than you ever imagined. The transition from getting pissed all the time and being carefree to having to pay rent and bills comes all too soon and like a frustrated toddler - it just isn't fair.

Already it feels like we have to have it all. We need to have the great place, the great boyfriend/girlfriend, the great job and great prospects. This seems to be the basis of all social questions and if you have no reply - well you're disappointing and boring.

Now maybe this state of mind is something that's always been there that our older peers never warned us about or maybe it depends on your circumstances if you get the quarter-life crisis at all. If everything is going to plan, you wouldn't really have much need for panic - or would you?

In this digital age of blogs, social media and more consumerism than ever - we really have no escape from being bombarded with what everyone else has. So is it any wonder we might feel insignificant or severely lagging. If you haven't found the one, the perfect job, managed to afford the bag of the season or risk debt on a monthly basis to at least fill your life with material possessions - you're not alone. There's a whole generation of us and if we're all honest with ourselves - this state of mind has probably always been there through the ages.

So as I dread my 25th birthday in May, knowing that with every year I am edging closer to 30, I can know that I'm not alone in feeling like I do and that I'm likely to face ongoing crises of life throughout the years and everything falls into place for different people at different times. And if it doesn't - well I can just have a well deserved breakdown.

Are you part of the quarter-life crisis? Are you older and have pearls of wisdom for the millennials? Let me know!

10 Things to Never Say to Me

I have been feeling frustrated and full of needless rage this week and it got me thinking about all the things people say that make me bubble with inside rage every time I hear them - so I thought I'd list them for future reference in the hope it offsets these comments as well as just allowing myself to vent without moaning anybody's ear off. Let me point out, this is not a direct or indirect form of passive aggressiveness to anybody. Just my own general frustrations!

1. "Have you got a boyfriend yet?"

My answer is the same as the last time you asked me. If you knew anything about me, you'd know that eternal spinster is a personality trait. The funniest thing about this question is the increasing worry each time I say no and 'helpful' suggestions. Believe me - I've tried it all. You can't force a boyfriend upon yourself - especially when you are a magnet for toxic men.

2. "You don't drive? How do you cope?!"

No, I don't drive. Yes I have had lessons, when I was 17 and it was expensive, scary and overwhelming. There is so much to remember and I hated being in control of a vehicle. It's not something I can go back to because I barely have enough spare money to live - let alone buy a car and learn to drive. 

3. "Why don't you try and make new friends?"

I am not three years old - if you try and make friends with strangers at 24 they give you funny looks. I do try, but people have their own impenetrable cliques by this point. I would join groups or classes - but they're surprisingly expensive. My close friends are more than enough - It's just difficult to make plans for every weekend. 

4.  "Aren't you a bit old for McBusted/McFly"

No. Never. Mcfly til I die. The supergroup of my two favourite groups of all time is like an amalgamation of all my dreams coming true. I was actually 12 when Busted hit the scene, so surely growing up with both bands makes it ok? I just stuck around for the journey and I will continue going to shows. Stop judging me!

5. "I just don't really see the point in feminism"

You don't see the point of equal pay and getting paid the same as your male counterparts? You don't see the point of abolishing sexual objectification and the sexist comments you get on a daily basis? You don't see the point of having women portrayed fairly in the media? OK THEN.

6. "What's it like living alone?"

Peaceful, liberating but LONELY. 

7. "You have too many clothes / need to stop shopping."

THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.

8. "Have you tried *insert food* - you might like it."

NO. It looks gross. It smells gross. Keep the seafood to yourself.

9. "What do you eat then?"

Meat, potatoes in many forms, cake in many forms…ANYTHING BEIGE AND BLAND.

10. "How are you already poor a week after payday?"

I am terrible with money and don't have much spare anyway. You do the math. 

The Problem With Body Hair

I've debated doing this blog, because I know the general consensus over body hair, but I think it's an issue that needs addressing and talking about.

As a feminist, I've often had my own debates with myself over body hair and while I do admire women brave enough to grow - I just can't do it. Now I don't believe this makes me any less of a feminist - we come in all shapes and sizes - but why is it that I feel so pressured to reach for the razor?

As soon as a girl enters puberty (and for me it was extremely early) they are almost instantly persuaded to rid themselves of their new found body hair. We are bombarded with pictures and advertisements in the media telling us that we need to keep our skin silky and smooth and hairless.

A recent Veet advertisement implied that if you let your hair growth slip - then you risked looking like a dude. But really, why does it seem so unnatural for a woman to have body hair when body hair is actually a very natural thing? Less than 100 years ago, it was fairly common for women to have body hair until an advertiser came along, said it was ugly, and that women needed to rid themselves of hair to be attractive and womanly. Up until as recently as the 70s and before the rise of porn - it was also very normal for women to have fully grown bushes too!

I've heard and seen comments from people in reference to body hair on women like it's a disgusting thing. But actually - I admire women who feel brave enough to go against society and embrace a very natural thing.

It's something I still don't feel brave enough to do myself and it frustrates me. I'm currently in the process of growing my body hair out in preparation for a wax and I feel so uncomfortable and ugly. I've had to opt for long sleeve tops and tights or jeans to hide my hair. But why do I care so much about what other people think?

As a girl that lived her teen years through the 00s when celebrity culture was at a peak and size zero and Hollywood waxes became a thing - I have grown up in an impressionable time when focus on body image has become more important that ever.

Being told body hair is disgusting and that it is more normal for women to have none than some, has meant that I feel I have to shave and wax to feel accepted and attractive. I wish I could go against this type, but it's something I don't think I'll ever feel comfortable with.

But I want to put out my admiration for women who aren't afraid to grow body hair and plead with others not to judge them or look at their hair in disgust. What they are doing is actually very brave and think carefully about why you feel the way you do about body hair. It's a very normal thing and it frustrates me when I see people say it's disgusting. It's not disgusting, it's normal and natural. Your body hair is there for a reason just like eyebrows and the hair on your head.

Question why we don't feel the same way about body hair on men. Why are men allowed to be as hairy as they like? In fact, with men, we can often feel very opposite - and they can be judged when they don't have much body hair and choose to rid themselves of it.

Now I realise that I sound hypocritical when I choose to shave myself, but I just wanted to get you thinking about your own opinion on body hair.

Material Girl

"Because we are living in a material world and I'mma material girl."

We live in a material society where it's all about what you have and how much you have and I will freely admit I am a materialistic person. I live in a tiny studio flat, yet it is cluttered with things and I'm pretty sure if I don't stop soon it's going to look like an episode of hoarders.

Throughout my life, I never stop wanting. Whether I'm dreaming of visiting yet another place on my travelling list, lusting after the latest collection in Topshop, dreaming of Chanel or just want another bargain DVD to add to my ever-growing collection - my life revolves around stuff and the getting of it.

Currently on my top list of lust is a trip to New York, a shabby chic dressing table and Babyliss Curl Secret. I've decided I'm going to try and start saving month by month for the New York trip but that throws out the other two lusts and means months of strict savings ahead of me.

Now I know I need to see the bigger picture here, and that those months of hard work will lead to visit my favourite city once again and go on a mega spending spree - but it's going to be hard to remember that in the following months when I desperately try to save my money.

I'm coming across rather spoilt, I know it's not possible to have everything you want in life, but I can't help lusting. Some people are quite content with very little in their life, but I just want ALL THE THINGS.

Some people become alcoholics, some take drugs, some binge eat and others shop. I fall into that shopping category. I use the buying of things to fill the little space inside of me that isn't content, but like all quick fixes - it does't last for long. That emptiness appears again and you need some shiny thing to make you all smug again.

This leads to me face the same situation every month, where ridiculously early after payday, I find myself with very little money to take me through the rest of the month. It simply vanishes - but the truth is - I've spent it.

Now I have very little spare money anyway and unexpected costs like 'that bill you forgot about' or needing to pay out for new specs can lead to an unexpected dent in your spare money and not help the money situation much more.

The issue is - I live alone, I don't get to see friends much and my family are busy - so often I'm left with little to do and the only way to fill my time is shopping or internet browsing. Or lay on the sofa in frustration.

Shopping fills a void and fills me with things that make me happy like pretty dresses, gorgeous shoes, beautiful bags, cute homeware and gripping books and DVDs. But how long is that hole really filled and how much will it take until I'm content? Will I ever be? Until I get that Chanel 2.5 bag or Mulberry Alexa? Louboutin shoes or a whole counter of designer make up? Where does it end?

Thankfully, I don't go completely without. I have supportive family and have been fairly spoilt in my time. With lovely christmas gifts or ongoing debt - but I can't help but feel jealous when I see others with what I still lust for.

I know this materialism needs to go on the back burner and that to enjoy truly great things that you have to save and earn them. I just wish society would make it a tad easier and I had other stuff in my life to keep me distracted or a 6 figure salary.

So the challenge awaits - can the splurger save?