Wanderlust

What is it about the summer that makes us all want to escape the country? It seems that everyone I know is embarking on adventures or holidays at the moment and I have no immediate plans to leave the country and it's killing me.

I know I went to Barcelona a month ago, but with everybody around me embarking overseas I am dying for a week in the sun to relax and forget about everything. If anything, Barcelona was the catalyst for that. Seeing another destination and new place, just makes me want to explore even more of the world. I want to walk the city streets, drink great coffee and eat gelato.

There is so much of the world to see and sometimes I feel as if there is never going to be enough time and money in my life to see it. From European cities, to American states to the other side of the world in Australia - I just want to see all of the world.

I have a mental list in my head of all these places I want to see and I just want to tick them all off. I am so so jealous of travel writers who get paid to experience and write about destinations all over the world! That would be my dream job.

I'm forever searching for cheap flights and hotels and seeing where I can travel within my means, or planning to save up so I can visit somewhere further afield. But with no plans at the moment and limited spare money after my bills are paid off, it means that any trip will probably be a while away.

Like I said in my Lonely post, it's hard to find people to do stuff with and finding someone that can go away for a week is even harder. I envy these people that can go away at a moments notice and experience amazing things. I feel like my social media feeds are full of people embarking on amazing adventures and I'm stuck in Blighty and unsure how I'm going to use my holiday up at work.

I want it all, I want to explore the world, I want to see every part of a city, I want to laze on a beautiful beach or by the pool as I soak up the rays and get a tan. I want to wear the holiday wardrobe I've built up for no real reason. Wear one of the ten bikinis I own and buy more. Take pictures and document my adventure. Eat amazing food and meet interesting people.

I hope one day that I can see all the places I want to see. One day I hope to be earning loads of money and have the money to do those things. I dream of winning the lottery and having 95 million and just exploring the world in amazing hotels and just living as a wanderer.

But for now, I guess I have to deal with what I can get. Live in my head or make plans to slowly save and tick places off one by one. It's frustrating...

Is anywhere safe?

 This week, a girl I know posted on Facebook about how she had been harassed while out jogging. She shared her story and provoked strong feminist debate among the comments and it was enlightening to see such passionate feminist views from other women as I often find it difficult to have the same kind of discussions with people I know.

What this brought up for me is the reality of how sexism is still something very real for all women and how it's an issue that still should't be ignored and swept under the carpet. It's something that shouldn't be belittled and shrugged off - because it's a very real problem.

Think about our culture, where a woman has to constantly risk assess her entire life. Do I walk in the dark at night alone? Do I go down my intended pathway when there's a group of men standing there. What do I do if a stranger starts talking to me and I'm alone and isolated? What will people think of me if I wear this dress? How much skin do I show? Do I turn this man down gently or firmly? Will he take the hint? How do I get this man's hands off me? How much do I drink?

Think about attacks on women. How often have you heard the words…'Why was she walking home alone?' 'What was she wearing?' 'How drunk was she?' - why should these factors even come into play? It's as if a woman must assess what she is doing or risk being to blame for harassment or even rape? At the same time, it provides a poor estimation of men if we assume that they are unable to control themselves around a woman. Many men can and it's the small repulsive few that can't - so please give men more credit than that and don't tar them all with the same brush.

We need to stop making excuses and stop this blame culture that puts it on the woman. Even if a woman has a reputation for being promiscuous, this still doesn't account for her being a victim. No means no - always.

Forever Alone

Loneliness is an ongoing problem for me. Living alone means I get very little interaction with people unless I make the effort to leave the house. Even then, it will often consist of me doing things alone such as walking around town or around the supermarket or even sitting in the park. 

I've never been a person with many friends and at this point in my life, at my age, I only have two real friends. Now these girls are my best friends and more than I could ever need because they know me inside out, get me completely and are the loveliest people - but thanks to full time jobs, boyfriends and locations - I don't get to see them as much as I'd like. 

This means I spend a lot of time in my own company, which thankfully I like (I wouldn't live alone otherwise) but sometimes this can get boring and frustrating. I have to keep myself occupied, which is why I've been baking more, probably doing too much online shopping, watching DVDs and bugging friends and family over text constantly. 

I'm really trying not to be anti-social but it is so hard to make new friends or meet new people when you rarely have plans and don't have many friends. Unlike many people my age, it's not like I have a boyfriend to spend time with either. At this age, everyone I know is seeing their other half in their spare time, living with them or even getting married to them! Meanwhile, I'm in my mid-twenties and am yet to meet anyone serious. I probably shouldn't feel pressured, but it's hard not to. I am always asked the same question at family parties 'Got a boyfriend yet then Stace?'

While I think that having a boyfriend shouldn't define you and that I'm quite happy being an independent single woman (thanks Beyonce), it's hard not to feel a tad left out when you don't have anyone to do anything with. Perhaps if I had more friends, I'd have more to do but we all get to that age when general acquaintances fall away and it's your real true friends that stay. 

It's hard to admit you're lonely, but I am. Now that I don't live with my family or with housemates, there isn't somebody there to talk to everyday. There's nobody to have spur of the moment plans with. I'm sick of reporting to work Monday morning and answering the question 'What did you do this weekend?' with 'Nothing'. 

The problem is, the only thing that does fill my time is shopping, which often leaves me poor and with no spare money less than a week after payday. I am filling my loneliness with material things! 

Now I know there is online dating, I've tried it, I am trying it, but it doesn't work for everyone. It's yet to work for me. I just wish I could meet somebody normally like everyone else.

Sorry, this is a bit of a woe is me blogpost. But it's thoughts and emotions I've had circling my head for the moment. Life needs to get a big more exciting, so I'm going to try and save (from next month) so that I can travel and fill a week or two with something exciting something far away. Time to stop wanting and start doing. Time to say yes.